Category Archives: People

Serious Party Girls (2009)

At a well attended college party around time of Halloween. I was checking out the low-lit scene; i hardly knew anyone.
I was walking past a guy in the middle and two scandalously dressed girls on either side. One girl put a glow stick in between her cleavage. The other girl replied by leaning right into that girl’s big boobs and proudly taking out the glow stick with her mouth.
As i approached I asked, “What game are you playing?”
They said “what!?” So i repeated louder.
The guy looked blankly at me, and both girls exchanged a look at each other with a hint of perplexity and turned to me.
Then the girl that dug the glow-stick from her friend’s boobs replied with a touch of vitality, “It’s not a game.”


Why I Like New York City

Many People

What many people don’t like about New York City, is that there are too many people.  It takes focus to walk down a street and maneuver past all kinds of bodies going right, left, stopping, slowing down or speeding up.  But this is precisely what I like!  I love being in a crowd.  My favorite is the subway at rush hour.  I enjoy the idea of being compressed amongst the hundreds of bodies on the subway train with the blank or tired sagging faces turned in different directions trying not to slip and fall.  I like to stand my ground while other bodies push me about.  Everyone is fighting for their body’s room, and one has to be assertive about claiming space at peak times.  This arouses in me a love for the city because I see, and literally feel life gushing and pulsating around me.  Sometimes you can feel the heat of the person next to you and realize how close you are to a stranger: closer than you can get anywhere else without it being socially unacceptable.  I smile when the conductor yells to not hold doors for the last few people that squish into the subway train instead of waiting for the next train because this shows that, yes, there really is an overwhelming amount of people, of life.  And I am more interested in the idea of confinement in the subway, reminding me that I am alive, over the confinement of a coffin, alone and dead.


I really like how careless people are in public.  New Yorkers have seen and heard so many odd things about so many people that odd things don’t capture their interest as easily as the rest of America.  People dress more unusually or wear crappy old clothes and others don’t pay much attention to that.  There are so many people and everyone is so busy and in such a rush that others don’t have time and energy to care about each individual as much.  And in a way I like the idea of this.  I like the fact that one can go about their business without others wondering who this person is, why he’s dressed like this, or what he is up to.  You go into a store for a chips and beer, and the cashier doesn’t really care about you.  He serves you quickly, because there is likely another customer behind you, and that’s another dollar.  To him you are just another buyer.  I think it’s great when strangers don’t care about your business because it allows you to be yourself, not attract attention, and not think about what they think about you.  You don’t have to answer to “Hi, how are you? Did you find everything you were looking for today?”  Everyday encounters aren’t elevated to special occasions the way they are in small towns.  You can simply be an object to others; another number in the city.

not caring is cool

I’ve been thinking about how cool it is to not care.  What inspired this idea?  A plain yet physically attractive girl at work, who is also the most careless girl I’ve met.  She always stands with one leg behind the other.  From my perspective, she does the bare minimum at work and waits for the end of the workday.  When she walks past people in a tight space she squeezes her arms together in front of her which forces her boobs up and she giggles out a “sorry…” She hardly talks to other employees either.  She has seen me when I was getting filling out my application.  She glanced at me once and when she caught my eyes she quickly looked away and her hair covered her face like curtains at the end of a show.  Why should she care about me?  Isn’t she curious about who I am?  Maybe I’m the greatest person she could ever meet.  She is really hot, girly and young and every male at work wants to fuck her, and the short Mexicans who can’t seduce her in English want to fuck her twice.  Sometimes she looks out the window out of boredom.  She doesn’t like to work, but doesn’t display a big attitude about that.  Her life is probably ok to her and happy at times.  There are probably times when she is sad, but overall she seems to feels content.  It’s as if whatever happens will just not threaten who she is, or her beauty and sex appeal.  I’m sure she is aware that all men drool over her, and that her sex appeal can get her much of what she wants.  A career, a promotion, a wealthy husband, friends and everything else beauties can get.  Surprisingly, she is not showy, and appears very modest with her actions.

Her lack of effort to initiate or carry on conversations besides gossip with her tight circle of friends makes her seem exclusive and cold.  But I severely admire how cool she is.  She exemplifies the women’s role in shaping evolution.  Every guy wants her and she knows it.  She doesn’t need to do anything to get a guy—she could be fucking at any moment of the day.  All she has to do is let the guys know or not resist.  But, she’s got the final say because she owns her pussy, and chooses who to let in, and that’s the bottom line.  And evolution has made it so the numerous males present themselves and the woman chooses only one who she feels is best suited.  This girl doesn’t need to care about others, because she is probably overwhelmed by how much and, or how many people care about her from the moment they lay eyes on her.  (About ½ the world.)  I think one knows when one is beautiful and young.  Basically, she doesn’t have to try, because even if she doesn’t try, she will still get a lot of what she wants, and that eliminates worry from her life.  People who have no worries are cool.

The more you care about something the more that something has the potential to frustrate you and give you problems.  In order to be affected by something you need to first care for it.  Nobody is affected by people they do not know, but many are affected by people they love or who love them.  If nobody cares about you and you want to have a healthy social life, then you start caring about other people.  But the vice versa is true. So a healthy social life should result in you caring less about people in general.  You’re scope of the people to care about will shrink.  You will become more selective about who you care about, because there are only a set number of caring hours in a day.

Not caring is a sign that you are above your problem.  Say you are in an argument about some political or social issue and your opponent is trying to convince you that he is right.   If you give up by implying that you don’t care, that conveys that you are so important that you are above this argument, and your unwillingness to care shows how calm you are within the situation and about the issue.  It shows that this issue is not a problem for you, yet is a problem for your opponent because obviously he is loosing more sleep over it than you.  And it’s not sexy to be very tired. Just tired enough to not care. Furthermore, it now has become a bigger problem for him to make you care about the issue he cares about so that he can convince you his viewpoint is right.    People who are careless are sexier, cooler, and calmer than people who care.  They do not care enough to get into heated arguments turned into fighting, and so they cannot bother anyone who cares.   Caring is always found alongside a problem, but carelessness is not associated with problems.  If nobody cared, there wouldn’t be any problems and wars.  People care when they feel threatened or some aspect of themselves is in jeopardy.  When you are happy you don’t care about being happy.  You are just participating in the moment not knowing that you are happy.  The only way you can care about happiness is if you are insecure about it, or don’t feel happy.

If you care more about someone than they care about you, they stop caring and they aren’t attracted to you as much.

Girls are attracted to celebrities and important individuals in part because those individuals don’t care about them to begin with and the girls have to work hard to get them to realize how special they really are.  Whoever cares less is more important to the caring people, and most people are caring.  Because it’s the carer’s job to care about the careless people.  Politicians pretend to care, and that artificial sincerity is even worse than caring in terms of being cool and sexy.  Caring people care both about careless people and caring people.

Look at fashion and advertisements, especially ads that are for clothing.  The models are often not smiling, emotionless.  They may be lit in dramatic lighting and emotional lighting, wear clothes in a way that conveys a certain emotion, but the individuals themselves are emotionless, especially on runways; like physical objects.  Sunglasses are always in style.  They cover up the eyes, windows to the inside of a person.  With sunglasses you are only limited to emotions and facial expressions that can be conveyed by the movements of the mouth. But we all know that a sincere smile is dependent on the eyes.  Models look so cool on ads because they make the viewer desire their situation, and the viewer becomes envious of them.  There is a certain air of disinterestedness that models often convey.

Sexy girls walk the streets, they don’t even turn their heads, sometimes you see them miss very beautiful interesting things.  Its sexy to be on a mission, have a destination or a goal to reach and be absolutely focused on that goal without getting distractions.  Clarity and confidence.

Engaging in activities that show you’re caring is not cool.  The more controversial the subject is the less cool it is to talk about.  The least coolest things to talk about are politics, and then even worse is religion (although it could be argued that both are equally un-cool topics).  If you talk about the weather the majority of people will agree to what you say, and it’s a neutral topic.  But you can really go wrong with saying that McCain is nice, or that the trickle up theory sure is great!

This is why I don’t understand why people, especially younger people are so proud to show everyone that they voted.  I mean there are plenty other things you could do while you’re young.  Rock, fuck, laugh, and if you don’t have a sense of humor, then drink and dance.  But please don’t smugly tell me you voted today.

Beautiful Young Religious Lady. Or Where do Beautiful Religious People Come From?

This afternoon I observed the most beautiful young lady who is dedicated to a religion I have ever seen. She came onto the subway and sat across from me next to another religious lady. But the contrast of beauty between the two ladies was day and night, and the plumpier one was definitely not ugly. She was Jewish, serious about it and blended in with all the other Jewish girls. I knew the prettier one must have been religious because of her attire, I guessed she was Jewish too. When I first noticed her, her head was dropped as she was looking inside her quaint pretty black purse, her dark lengthy hair sheltering her pure white face from the outside world, a curtain of hair dropped in front of her face covering it up mysteriously and naturally, save for the right side of her face, inviting a gaze like a door cracked open into a room with warm glowing light. She pushed her hair away from the front of her face, only to have it fall fight back. She was ripping off discount cards from their template and her legs were closed, feet perfectly together on the floor. Tidy, cute.

I was going to read homework but it was too intriguingly beautiful a sight to pass up and I wanted to make the most of it. Contemplate, figure her out. I’ll stay on as long as she does and get off at 4th ave instead of the closer jay st-borough hall since I can transfer to the right train from both stops. She then took out a tiny thin book, thinner then the religious text the lady to her right was immersed in, mouthing the words slightly. Without wasting time she too immersed herself in it, slightly silently pronouncing the words with her sexy lips. Her eyebrows and forehead furrowed a bit, albeit without a single hard crease unlike the woman to her right. Her skin was too light and soft to create a hard crease. She never looked up at me or anything else; she just read.  Great boobs. I checked her hips—yes great proportion. Not fat at all. So we have a flawless seriously religious young lady on our hands. Had she been wearing a shorter skirt and a tank-top instead, I would have thought she was a supermodel.

Why is someone so beautiful religious? Sure there’s plenty of hot college blondes that claim religion is a big part of their life, but who are they kidding with that hypocrisy when you see them promiscuously party it up like good college girls are supposed to? This one was suspicious. I guess artists and Jews have something fundamental in common. How does someone so beautiful become a dedicated religious person? Could it be the same way a kid decides to pursue art? A person has to be abnormal, weird or different to become an artist. Nobody just goes along with the mainstream way of life and becomes an artist. Its when the mainstream mentality and way of life do not fulfill something, when a person for some reason can’t rationalize like the masses and feels that is a problem, perhaps making him feel isolated or an outsider when he starts questioning and contemplating the accepted mentality and popular way of going about life that he realizes that it just isn’t working and that he must find other answers and then share himself to others. He seeks another way to explain the world. Perhaps religion is similar. No one just wakes up feeling dandy, feeling great about themselves and then says, “why don’t I become a hardcore Jew and dedicate my life to repeating prayers and serving God? People only do that if they realize their life is not going smoothly and they fall back on these things as ways to escape the popular expectations and paths and find comfort in a different path. The religious or artistic path is like a crutch they start using and looking up to. I associated myself with art because my experiences didn’t allow me to cope with the way the masses saw life. I felt like this can’t be right, because I’m trying to do what and be like they are, but it’s just not working, it’s not comfortable, and I have concerns that their methods don’t address. Maybe someone has trouble accepting how most others look at life, their convictions, morals, and figures to look up to a religion as a guide to the correct, best, and most positive way, and a world that will reassure that everything will be fine as long as you obey certain rules etc.

But how does a beautiful person fall into religion besides if the parents are very religious and the child obedient? If you are so beautiful then what isn’t working in your life? What’s giving you difficulty if you already have the most important thing figured out in life (image and beauty)? Beautiful people have it easier because… well it’s pretty apparent. I understand why an average or ugly looking person may pull out a religious text in the subway and read it on a regular basis cause they need to find reassurance that everything is ok, they need to be comforted, and the people around them have not treated them ideally. It’s such a weird image to see a beautiful person be dedicated to religion. It’s so intriguing to watch because it makes the religion sexy, sells it, which is strange, and it bring about sorrow in me. And you know the person is not trying to be beautiful, or express “sexy,” but they just can’t help it. It’s just more expected for gorgeous girls to walk on runways and accept men’s drinks at upscale clubs. By becoming an artist or a Jew you become a minority, and why I say Jew rather than Christian is because there are way less Jews in the world then Christians and because both artists and Jews have sort of been pushed around and often not been able to find peace or a place within the world and society. They are outsiders.

I checked her necklace expecting a star of David or a cross, but there was a hanging heart. I checked her left hand and sure enough she was married or engaged. Then I wondered if she thought about her husband as much as she thought about god, and (if she’s that kind of girl) screamed “Oh God, oh God” or her husband’s name—“Oh Efrayim, oh Efrayim” in bed. What if religion is bullshit and there is no god in the end? Then all the dead religious people would pause and say, “oh, shoot, oops.” They could’ve spent all that religious time thinking about their s/o but instead they thought about and obeyed an imaginary idea. Then she finished reading the tiny book (while the woman to her right kept going at it persistently) and put it away. For a while she kept a pretty contemplative look on her face looking off into nowhere particular, the distance in front of her to the left and to her right with a large tilt of her head. What was she thinking about? Whatever it was, she looked so pretty doing it. The way she looked to the side with her head tilted the shiny whites of her eyes with dark-brown pupils turned one way. It was such a longing, innocent, gorgeous, calm look. Picture perfect. So glamorous, yet with no intent to be so.

Then she took out headphones and her phone and started listening to music I guess. This made me wonder if maybe this whole religious thing was a ploy to ward off sleazy men from hitting on her. Cause it would work, and with her beauty she would need it in order to not be a bitch, or be able to ask strange men for directions and not be held in place for an additional 10 minutes of conversation, or be envied by other women. But would more Jewish men hit on her? Maybe she married a very religious man on the condition that she convert to orthodox Judaism and now she did and she’s trying to be Jewish. Then it was my stop and I had to get off the subway.

Conversation 9 (tell me more, tell me more)

i had my 2nd date today
w/24 yr old


ya it was awesome

how’d it go?
tell me more
tell me more
tell me more

before i was even able to take out my card she already had cash out to pay for it
and she was already talkin about the next place were gonna go

did you get very far?

what do u mean?

like does she have a car?

hahahah wtf
ya she does


we havent done anything like that tho yet
but, it’s coming

was it love at first sight?

im very much into her

Tell me more, tell me more

very level headed
has opinions on things in the world

so did she put up a fight?

haha what?

idk did you guys fight at all did she start a fight cause she’s level headed?

lol no
it was all rly good convo


i rly like the way she looks at things


shes kinda like me in that she has way too much going on in her head

tell me more


tell me more

im sure shes thought about the fact that im 19
we havent spoken about that yet

How much dough did u spend?

on thursday, about 25 or 27
today it was right around 25 but she paid for it

could she get me a friend?

hahah she doesnt knkow that many ppl here apparently…
but, maybe

tell me more, tell me more

idk wat else to say at this point
i guess
itd be kinda scary to get in a real relationship w/her
because when we graduate (she’ll graduate same time as me), she’s gonna be 26 or 27 yrs old
which is gettin close to prime time for starting up a family, right?
ill be 22
and possibly goin to med school

can i make this into another conversation of mine if i omit your name and her name?

of course
why haha


jhahahhaha my god dude
sry i didnt make rhymes

New York Thoughts

As I was searching for thought trying to fill time on the subway I realized my butt is starting to get sore from sitting on these hard ass benches. They are ergonomically well-made but why don’t they at least have some upholstery on them? Surely NYC has the money. They can’t put that soft furry upholstery layer on them because it would get worn down within days or weeks from all the butts that rub up on them getting up and sitting down and movin’ about. It just wouldn’t handle all those NY butts, not to mention the Midwesterners’ and Texans’. It wouldn’t be convenient and profitable for the MTA to change it so often. And upholstery is much harder to clean. New York City is the first place where I can see the effects of human beings on a man-made environments faster than nature’s effects. A beauty of New York City is that when there is a new section of the road built, or various other architectural elements, within a few weeks you can spot wear and tear on it from its use by human beings. The public gives it character in this short amount of time. The new black dots on the sidewalk, the grimy oily stains and specks. Each new square foot gets tested immediately by numerous people. Often it seems that people wear down a certain place or architectural element faster than nature. In a way people play a much larger role in shaping their landscape in a big city than in a small one. The urban landscape actually grows, changes, acquires a different character, and ages, as a living thing.

Beggars and so called "Entertainers"

Anyone who rides the subway in NYC encounters beggars. And a few people give them money. I did, but now i avoid it. I think you can make a lot of money begging or performing. The time between stops is 1-2 minutes, and they collect about 1 dollar total every stop then advance to the next train car. Thats like 30-60$ per hour. Cash. That is better than what i can officially earn today. I’ve thought about begging myself, i mean i am a college kid without income. I also gave serious thought to making an outrageous suit like from toilet paper and sitting in a busy subway car or walking around train to train putting a smile on peoples faces and getting money in return. If i have time i think i will.