story of…


I am not certain that the following recollection of these few events have much significance, however, it is their random insignificance that have inspired me to document and re-tell the story.  It is my opinion, that it matters not what happened before, nor whatever happened after this event, but you, the reader are free to come up with your own meaning and conclusion about significance.  Furthermore, I must forewarn you that there is one unexpected event here, that you should not know about before reading the story for it to have impact, so hopefully you have not read the prologue.

I was walking on the sidewalk, determined to get back home from the subway in the evening.

I was about to pass a middle-aged lady in a black jacket, and before I passed her I already knew she was probably suspicious of footsteps coming-up behind her and was likely going to turn her head to look at me to make sure I wasn’t threatening.  (I regularly glance at people I’m passing because I’m always curious about strangers.)

So we both looked at each other as I walked by her side.  She was middle-aged or so and I wondered what she thought of me.

Another man, who looked Hispanic from a distance, just crossed the street and was walking towards us.  And as I turned away from the lady I looked down at the ground and noticed there was a dollar bill lying there.  I instinctively reached for it, picked it up, suspicious and puzzled to find it particularly folded and noticed the man seemed like he spotted it on the ground as well.  I was surprised, put the dollar in my pocket and kept walking.


It has been said before that when all else fails to interest or humor the listener when telling a story it is most useful to resort to the following exclamation at the end: And then I found 5 dollars!


Lil’ Wayne Analysis: Lyrics and Language

“Bitch, real Gs move in silence like lasagna” Get it?!  Brilliant. The ceaselessness of the allure of Wayne lies in his and his lyric’s paradoxical nature.  Just who is this guy?  What does he really stand for?  He intrigues so much with the catchy and shrewdly clever lyrics that the listeners delve to figure out the meaning of each line of his songs.  Then they begin to wonder just what it is they figured out about the song as a whole and how does each line relate to the song in its totality?  Just what is it that he is trying to say?

IN the end I think part of the allure and brilliance of his music is that on one hand he isn’t actually saying anything when you look at each song in its totality, there isn’t a clear message he is giving, he pushes spoken language and grammar  syntax and symantics to such a limit where it almost implodes on itself.  He pushes and exploits the nature of comprehension and language to explore spoken, and spoken vs written language and its structure itself.  His lyrics liberate language.  He incorporates random words and lines of thought that seem to be there simply to accomplish a rhyme or other poetic or rhythmic structure, but the amazing thing is they actually add to the content of the song.

He utilizes all kinds of figurative descriptors including onomatopoeia.  Notice the “pu” rhymes with too which illustrates how he intuitively and creatively constructs the lyrics.

got a sign on my dick that say “bad bitches only”
I don’t drink champagne, it make my stomach hurt
man I’m on that patron, fuck with me wrong and get murked
got a silencer on the gun, that bitch go “pu”

Got a mean ass swagger, my bitches do too

here the silencer could refer to the woman who is sucking his “gun” (dick) and spits the cum out making the “pu” sound.

“Suck my clip, swallow my bullets and don’t you spit uuuuuuuuuuP.”

–“Steady Mobbin’”

Here “clip” sounds similar to clit.  And a gun is an overt reference to a penis especially considering he follows by saying there are bullets (semen) coming out.  He makes the gun into a sexual object representing of ultimate masculinity and power, orders one to suck it (almost as if begging for mercy), and horrifically finishes the line, as if it’s not gruesome enough, by demanding that they don’t “spit [the bullets/come] up,” which is an overwhelmingly dominating and degrading image.

Nevertheless each of these at once random and poignant lines drifts his consciousness into other fields of thought from which he pulls subsequent lines that have a connection to the previous ones.  We get to examine the way a brain handles and operates via language (sign system) in all of its idiosyncrasies and unexpected and other times expected connections between words.  Listening to Wayne is like examining someone’s raw drifts of consciousness in real time.  This is as unexplainable as the mysteries of the way the human brain works and why it makes the connections that it does.

In some songs he delivers loving thoughts about a special girl he is in love with.  In other songs if not the consequent verses, he completely reject his capacity to love “love is in the air I put on a gas mask.”   Or even one line to the next, “This rap game, I got my hands around this motherfucker/Yeah I said game but I ain’t playin’ around this motherfucker” His contradictions reveal the complexity of his philosophy, and make him interesting—you can’t quite figure him out from what he says.  Yet it all flows naturally, there is logic and each line or verse makes sense.  As one listens to his music, one gets lost in it–in the sense that our comprehension of his words and syntax is moments behind his delivery of them, and in the sense that we are lost wondrously in the stream of conscious rhythmic delivery.  In the end, the larger meaning of parts, and the whole amount to everything and nothing in the same song.  It is at once larger than life, and trivial.  I think this is a defining characteristic of great art.  It takes you on a journey that continues to make you wonder without arriving at a definite conclusion, yet you enjoy the ride, and you feel like you’ve learned something.  But in the end whatever you were looking at can from another perspective be completely trivial.  Sort of like the way Pollock’s work can be interpreted as simply a masturbatory documentation of a moment; as nothing of substance, yet on the other hand has inspired countless interpretations and puzzled people for decades.

The biggest reason that his music is a masterpiece is its resemblance of the essence of the greatest things in this world.  It is the essence of what it means to be, and to exist.  Everything in this world is simultaneously infinitely interesting and significant, yet at the same time meaningless; (completely the opposite).  The success of this element of his music is largely attributed to his incredible natural sense of flow—which is essential for a convincing rap song.  His thoughts are merely pouring from his mind and out his mouth, and yes he permits even ones that make you wonder where they came from.  It feels as if he doesn’t even censor or edit them.  This is something that 3rd rate rappers like Drake just can’t master.

His constant contradictions and paradoxes keep us on the edge of our feet and listening and wanting to hear more.  But he does not have a clear agenda.  He doesn’t lecture and preach.  Only in his worst songs does it feel that he simply wants to literally tell us his agenda.

I don’t think it’s legitimate to dismiss his lyrics as immature, or the majority of what rappers talk about as immature or unworthy of critical contemplation and philosophical discourse.  For example, this is a big philosophical question:

I’m crazy for being Wayne, or is Wayne just crazy?
–I  Can’t Feel My Face

It’s about identity, and the ethics of perusing an identity if it is not considered normal.  He’s takes a third person point of view disassociating himself from himself in the second part of the line referring to himself by his name.

Another contemplative question:

That’s too explicit, but why you listenin’? (Set this stage on fire)

Invitation to challenge him/double meaning:

Got beef homie I was just getting hungry
When you come bitch you better bring a army (Army Gunz)

Humorous personification:

Bullet find a home in ya arteries, pardon me (Army Gunz)

In “We takin’ over” remix he talks about family (daddy, Birdman) and how loyal he is to him.   He is owes his achievement to his father/mentor/supporter: Birdman.

“Who said I’ll be the one? Just my daddy.

Hello Hip-hop, I’m home, it’s your daddy.”

In previous lines as in the majority of the song he gives praise and thanks to his daddy (Birdman), and then throws in the line above, “hello Hip-Hop, I’m home, It’s your daddy.  The genre of Hip hop has been personified as a “bitch,” by hip-hop artists, (the most famous of which was Common in “I Used to Love H.E.R.”).  So here Wayne addresses the mother, hip-hop, telling her that he has arrived and also alludes to the fact that possibly he gave birth or re-birth to hip-hop.  That it’s now his daughter, or his bitch, depending how you interpret the meaning and syntax.

Also ends the song creatively saying “my flow just grew legs and walked out,” and the music cuts out sharply surprising the listener.

These are just a few of my favorite example of his lyrics, but really there are countless others.  What sets Wayne’s lyrics apart from other rappers is that they don’t allow you to easily come to terms with what he means; they are not literal, and oftentimes they can be interpreted in various ways.

Murakami, Lil’ Wayne, Warhol, Picasso: Motivation and creation.

This is Lil Wayne and the come is his music.   That’s Picasso, and that is my drawing from my “Drawing and Masturbating” series.


Or the top image is a portrait of Murakami/Warhol/Picasso, if we stick within the visual art references.

To me the connection is apparent, and shouldn’t be something revelatory.  Every piece of art that Takashi Murakami, Lil Wayne, me, Picasso, and any other artist creates is really, underneath the physical art object, the motive of power and sex all of which are inextricable from each other.  Each one of Murakami’s pieces is his offspring, which he took so much time and energy to create.  And he makes a lot of work just like lil wayne which infiltrates and impregnates our culture.  The two masters stand back and admire their offspring as they are being looked at, used, drooled over, celebrated, glorified and receive much attention.  Just like people enjoy impressing others with the accomplishments of their children.  The semen could symbolize this feverous creative energy just waiting to be released and splatted? Splattered? SplAtTTTerd?! onto the people of this world.

It is a worthwhile argument to say that music illustrates this theory perfectly because of its ability to be ubiquitous at the same moment, and thus impregnate more ears than a sculpture can.  (maybe a sculpture is like sex involving 2 people, and music can be like a mass orgy—like a concert). I think this is why music is so linked to sex even more directly than art.  Furthermore, music has a dominating power over the body.  It surrounds the body and the body cannot escape it and thus the body can respond through moving or dancing if it enjoys the music.  In addition, two people listening to music will hear it the same way whereas observing a painting is a more solitary activity because the whole of the painting is presented to you at once, and you cant synchronize the way your eye moves through it with the person next to you, whereas music unfolds sequentially which two people can (more or less) experience at the same time and place equally.  The plethora of tracks Lil Wayne makes, his drive to create says something about his sexuality/sex drive and his drive to exist.  More on his studio practice soon.

Lil’ Wayne is one of the greatest, if not the greatest artist/musician alive

Everyone in the field of creating things (like art, music, dance etc) should consider lil wayne—lil wayne as music | lil wayne as persona, | lil wayne as worker/creator, | lil wayne as innovator.  Even if you completely dislike his music, there is something to be learned from his studio practice as an artist/creator.  He is a force that has to be studied and learned from, and his proliferation should not be overlooked or dismissed.  He has achieved such widespread success that he now supersedes being relevant only within the music genre.

First of all, I want to apologize in advance of for spreading this propaganda glorifying Lil Wayne.  Wait, I take my apology back because I made a resolution to not apologize.  Ok, to the point:  there is nobody in the world who does “it” better than Lil Wayne.  Nobody is as masterful and prolific but more interestingly simply amazing at their music game (“it”) as Lil Wayne.  Not Lady Gaga, not Grizzley Bear, not the Red Hot Chili Peppers, not Foreigner, definitely not Drake, Rick Ross, Minaj, and not any other somewhat known non-mainstream musician/band.  Yes there are a number of musicians who are the best at making brilliant music within their genre, but they are not the best they could be; they haven’t reached or will not reach their potential.  There is no other musician that I can imagine who exists today, is exceptionally talented and dedicates so much time to their craft as Lil Wayne.  Yes there’s been others that compare to him (Led Zeppelin, Bob Dylan, Notorious BIG, Joy Division, Ippy Pop, Velvet Underground to name some.)  But aside from these, and a few others, nobody today breathes music like Wayne does.  By breathing music I mean having it be their life.  Like Mark Zuckerburger breathes facebook, his dear child, like Hugh Heffner breathes, whatever it is he breathes these days, and like Warhol breathed pop art.

Partly what inspired me to write this, and subsequent posts is I realized that not a day goes by when I don’t hear at least one Lil Wayne song.  I listen to him religiously, and increasingly so to the point where other artists are starting to simply not do it for me.  Most musicians become palette cleansers in relation to him.  Of course I like hearing variety, and I do like to discover new non-rap/non-hip hop artists, and I do also listen to nearly as much Velvet Underground, but I realized I can’t get past the allure of Lil Wayne’s music.  I guess I haven’t figured out how these perfect bizarre verses flow effortlessly out of his mouth.  It has to do with practice that he has acquired throughout the literally thousands of songs he’s put out in his career.

Of course the greatest songs of numerous other musicians can compete with his work, but the thing is he’s got more hit songs and appearances on other artists tracks than any other known musician I can think of, especially today.  What’s happened is the quality of his work just drowns out anything I hear by less capable musicians.  I used to try to listen to an indie radio station, and I enjoyed it quite a lot sometimes.  They played the greatest indie stuff.  But I couldn’t help to often prefer a pop station to the indie station, because even though most of the artists on the pop station are mediocre or horrible, the production value is so high that at least the song is technically very well made, and the background music is done very very well.  It’s like a naïve artist who paints in a traditional or kitsch manner, but does it so well that you almost prefer to look at that than a poorly executed, rough craftsmanship albeit potentially much more interesting art experiment by an informed art student. I’m trying to say that most other musicians are exploring equally interesting territory, but they just haven’t presented as successful of findings as wayne has. Of course Wayne has also put out a fair share of atrocious material, but consider those practice.

There are plenty of talented indie bands out there making great stuff, but with the exception of their handful of hits if that, the rest is just mediocre.  Sometimes, it partly has to do with the amount of time these talented people can afford to spend on their craft.  (some have other jobs to tend to)  but regardless, Lil Wayne brings his recording equipment everywhere he goes, even if he is on tour.  I approximate quotes from his interview.  Q: what do you think of the situation in New Orleans? (around time of Katrina I believe)  Wayne:  Shit idk.  Man I don’t understand these journalists who interview me.  Don’t they do their research?  Where do they come up with these questions?  Don’t they know that I aint got time to watch the news or care about what goes on in New Orleans?  Q:  What do you think of rapper x?  Wayne: I don’t have time to listen to him.

And I keep discovering new music of his that I haven’t heard before that is really good.  I feel he is getting a lot of attention, but I think he should get even more attention than he is because this is one of those times in history that we can witness something beautiful and brilliant unfolding.  Anyways, I had to let this out, and that’s all I want to say until I complete my essay about why he is so alluring, and why his music is so brilliant.

conversation 13 (Japan tsunami 2011)

A: OH MY GODDD! look what’s going on in Japan!!
B: What’s going on in Japan?
A: Dude where have you been for the past 12 hours!?
B: Williamsburg.

not caring is cool

I’ve been thinking about how cool it is to not care.  What inspired this idea?  A plain yet physically attractive girl at work, who is also the most careless girl I’ve met.  She always stands with one leg behind the other.  From my perspective, she does the bare minimum at work and waits for the end of the workday.  When she walks past people in a tight space she squeezes her arms together in front of her which forces her boobs up and she giggles out a “sorry…” She hardly talks to other employees either.  She has seen me when I was getting filling out my application.  She glanced at me once and when she caught my eyes she quickly looked away and her hair covered her face like curtains at the end of a show.  Why should she care about me?  Isn’t she curious about who I am?  Maybe I’m the greatest person she could ever meet.  She is really hot, girly and young and every male at work wants to fuck her, and the short Mexicans who can’t seduce her in English want to fuck her twice.  Sometimes she looks out the window out of boredom.  She doesn’t like to work, but doesn’t display a big attitude about that.  Her life is probably ok to her and happy at times.  There are probably times when she is sad, but overall she seems to feels content.  It’s as if whatever happens will just not threaten who she is, or her beauty and sex appeal.  I’m sure she is aware that all men drool over her, and that her sex appeal can get her much of what she wants.  A career, a promotion, a wealthy husband, friends and everything else beauties can get.  Surprisingly, she is not showy, and appears very modest with her actions.

Her lack of effort to initiate or carry on conversations besides gossip with her tight circle of friends makes her seem exclusive and cold.  But I severely admire how cool she is.  She exemplifies the women’s role in shaping evolution.  Every guy wants her and she knows it.  She doesn’t need to do anything to get a guy—she could be fucking at any moment of the day.  All she has to do is let the guys know or not resist.  But, she’s got the final say because she owns her pussy, and chooses who to let in, and that’s the bottom line.  And evolution has made it so the numerous males present themselves and the woman chooses only one who she feels is best suited.  This girl doesn’t need to care about others, because she is probably overwhelmed by how much and, or how many people care about her from the moment they lay eyes on her.  (About ½ the world.)  I think one knows when one is beautiful and young.  Basically, she doesn’t have to try, because even if she doesn’t try, she will still get a lot of what she wants, and that eliminates worry from her life.  People who have no worries are cool.

The more you care about something the more that something has the potential to frustrate you and give you problems.  In order to be affected by something you need to first care for it.  Nobody is affected by people they do not know, but many are affected by people they love or who love them.  If nobody cares about you and you want to have a healthy social life, then you start caring about other people.  But the vice versa is true. So a healthy social life should result in you caring less about people in general.  You’re scope of the people to care about will shrink.  You will become more selective about who you care about, because there are only a set number of caring hours in a day.

Not caring is a sign that you are above your problem.  Say you are in an argument about some political or social issue and your opponent is trying to convince you that he is right.   If you give up by implying that you don’t care, that conveys that you are so important that you are above this argument, and your unwillingness to care shows how calm you are within the situation and about the issue.  It shows that this issue is not a problem for you, yet is a problem for your opponent because obviously he is loosing more sleep over it than you.  And it’s not sexy to be very tired. Just tired enough to not care. Furthermore, it now has become a bigger problem for him to make you care about the issue he cares about so that he can convince you his viewpoint is right.    People who are careless are sexier, cooler, and calmer than people who care.  They do not care enough to get into heated arguments turned into fighting, and so they cannot bother anyone who cares.   Caring is always found alongside a problem, but carelessness is not associated with problems.  If nobody cared, there wouldn’t be any problems and wars.  People care when they feel threatened or some aspect of themselves is in jeopardy.  When you are happy you don’t care about being happy.  You are just participating in the moment not knowing that you are happy.  The only way you can care about happiness is if you are insecure about it, or don’t feel happy.

If you care more about someone than they care about you, they stop caring and they aren’t attracted to you as much.

Girls are attracted to celebrities and important individuals in part because those individuals don’t care about them to begin with and the girls have to work hard to get them to realize how special they really are.  Whoever cares less is more important to the caring people, and most people are caring.  Because it’s the carer’s job to care about the careless people.  Politicians pretend to care, and that artificial sincerity is even worse than caring in terms of being cool and sexy.  Caring people care both about careless people and caring people.

Look at fashion and advertisements, especially ads that are for clothing.  The models are often not smiling, emotionless.  They may be lit in dramatic lighting and emotional lighting, wear clothes in a way that conveys a certain emotion, but the individuals themselves are emotionless, especially on runways; like physical objects.  Sunglasses are always in style.  They cover up the eyes, windows to the inside of a person.  With sunglasses you are only limited to emotions and facial expressions that can be conveyed by the movements of the mouth. But we all know that a sincere smile is dependent on the eyes.  Models look so cool on ads because they make the viewer desire their situation, and the viewer becomes envious of them.  There is a certain air of disinterestedness that models often convey.

Sexy girls walk the streets, they don’t even turn their heads, sometimes you see them miss very beautiful interesting things.  Its sexy to be on a mission, have a destination or a goal to reach and be absolutely focused on that goal without getting distractions.  Clarity and confidence.

Engaging in activities that show you’re caring is not cool.  The more controversial the subject is the less cool it is to talk about.  The least coolest things to talk about are politics, and then even worse is religion (although it could be argued that both are equally un-cool topics).  If you talk about the weather the majority of people will agree to what you say, and it’s a neutral topic.  But you can really go wrong with saying that McCain is nice, or that the trickle up theory sure is great!

This is why I don’t understand why people, especially younger people are so proud to show everyone that they voted.  I mean there are plenty other things you could do while you’re young.  Rock, fuck, laugh, and if you don’t have a sense of humor, then drink and dance.  But please don’t smugly tell me you voted today.

creative birthday cake candle blow-out

I was in grade school and was celebrating my birthday with my Russian-accent-family and the few new friends i invited over to our house. It was time to bring out the birthday cake. AS it was beign brought out everyone started singing the birthday song. The cake was set on the table by me with all the candles burning. As they were singing i decided to do something funny and original. It occured to me that the action of blowing out the candles seemed a lot like sneezing, so i decided to fake a sneez and blow out the candles as if i was sneezing. I got really excited cause everyone was going to find it hilarious and dramatic that i “sneezed” on the cake and blew out the candles that way. Everyone would laugh and i would feel really cool. As the birthday song finished i prepared. then i wound up and catapulted my upper body forward and downwards toward the cake as if it was a big sneeze, and made an “AAHHHHHHhh-CHOOOOOOO” as i blew air out of my mouth onto the cake, i realized its kind of hard to look like your sneezing and blow air out your mouth at the same time, and somehow the unexpected happened. I actually sneezed out snot as my face was headed at the cake. my hands were by my face and caught the snot before it hit the cake. The sequence turned out to be dramatically shitty, and not illusional. My new friends who i really wanted to be my friends were disgusted, and repulsed that i sneezed on the cake. They thought i was so uncool and would probably tell everyone at schol and i’d end up being the loser that i was. I was upset. I tried to fake sneeze, but i actually sneezed and everyone probably thought it was real, and i looked foolish. it was tragic and funny, but nobody except me knew it was accidental.

I forgot what i was wishing for, (probably more friends) but thats the story of the most unfortunate birthday cake candle blow-out, and the moment i became a joke.

Why do poor black/inner city people get so hostile/defensive if their identity, beliefs or self is put into question?

They live in the worst parts of the city and are looked down upon.  Their neighborhoods are referred to as “bad” parts of town and where nobody wants to live.  They are aware of their perception by others in and outside their community.  They are considered less important than the more affluent middle and upper class citizens who supposedly posses “high culture.”  One reason they are looked down upon or considered less important is because they are not consumers.  They simply do not spend as much money as those who live in better parts of town, which consequently are the richer parts of town.  The middle and upper class are important for this country because they spend money and thus are important economic players.  On the other hand the poor only suck money from the rich.  The most important role of the citizen today is that of consumer than anything else, as outlines in “History of the Self” BBC TV show.  So nobody cares about what the poor people think or how they feel because their thoughts and feelings (and they themselves) are not important.  This and other reasons cause these people to fall back on the one truth and thing they posses; their self.  These things cause them to defend what they feel and believe with no remorse and snap at any instance of attack on their individuality or beliefs, because this is the last valuable thing they can be sure to posses.  Any attack on this last thing becomes a direct attack on themselves, because they don’t have anything else to fall back on—no money, no material possessions, etc.  They not merely expect, but demand respect and make that apparent.  This is also a fundamental condition that gave birth to hip-hop

Food Marketing. And the American Taste Palette

It’s incredible that people today will pay more money for food with less calories. This was unheard of 50+ years ago when people actually wanted to get more bang for their buck. These days I see breakfast bars boasting that they contain only 90 Calories! Per bar. That bar is about the size of my middle finger. So I need to eat 4 or 5 (like half the dam package) to get my breakfast fill. I think this is evidence to the power of advertising and marketing campaigns using junk science to persuade us to change our choices of food.

And, people shy away from labels where there is a normal amount of cholesterol, and some packaging boasts the small amount of cholesterol per serving. But there is also good cholesterol, so how does one know which cholesterol they are getting? Not to mention one needs all kinds of cholesterol to complete a healthy diet. Cholesterol helps maintain the elasticity of cell walls.

Here is how I describe the distinct American taste palette:

Like sugar on ice cream.

Some art is like that too.
It’s called kitschy.
Or Jeff Koons.
Or Soulja boy?

The most influential lecture i’ve ever attended about Art

The Point of Art
It’s worth watching whether you make visual art, dance, make music or any other Art form.  I summarize it and use Ratcliff’s philosophy in discussing graffiti vs. art here.

Israel (2007)

If America was the size of Israel it would be Israel, in a way.  There are as many different opinions in Israel as there are Israelis.  An Israeli soldier told me that.  And without hesitation added, “and they all think theirs is right.”  We chuckled.  Naturally this is a problem in itself.  What adds to it is the level of conviction and seriousness that backs their opinions.  Many take their beliefs as importantly as their choice for life or death.  No matter what decision the politicians make it will make some happy and others mad.

The country lives in a constant state of conflict, of debate and active reform.  Their decisions put lives in jeopardy.  Believers are not passive, there is urgency in people’s souls, a crucial need to decide and stand for something, to be involved and part of the un-unified army of so called problem solvers.

My Israeli friend told me about his army experience.  He was given info about a terrorist that will be driving past a checkpoint and he had to pull him out of the car and arrest him.  This was his job and service to the country.  He was given his anme and was to look for it on passports at the checkpoint.  That’s exactly what he did.  This was real.  Like many others in his place he was well aware that at any moment the terrorist could do the most feared things.  On the other hand he understood that the terrorist still has some heart that he is scared too when there is a gun pointed at him and other guards around so it may be in his best interest to just listen and follow directions or put his life at risk.  My Israeli friend succeeded in the assigned job.

In another instance something caught his eye when his fellow soldiers lined up suspects (on another note: everyone in Israel is a suspect, there is no gentleness about this.)  from a truck to check their passports or whatnot.  One guy went back in the truck and my friend noticed what seemed to be an object, probably an axe he concealed around his body.  A decision had to be made.  Judge, discriminate, use your instinct, or behave otherwise.  He chose to act.  He prevented the possibility of the man with the weapon to strike the soldier  going down the line checking their passports in a line.  It could have been his last moment when he reached this man had my friend not acted on instinct.

Judgment and confidence is brewed within the people in Israel.  It is cooked by their environment.  In Israel you sometimes have to assume, even if in the end the assumption is wrong.  If someone looks like a terrorist you decision to be fair and unbiased to him may take your life.

-summer 2007

conversation 12 (one night stands)

A:  How is you girl situation? Have you had any one-night stands?
B:  ahhhmmm… no unfortunately I haven’t.  But I almost had 2.  Wait, no 3.  Err wait, maybe it was 4?

Life Happens, and so Does Art. (2007)

Funny how my artwork happens, just like life, just like shit.  I never thought I would come to this conclusion a few years ago.  I remember laughing when we titled our high school art show “Art Happens” almost thinking it was a little disgraceful.

But, the more I live, the more evidence I have that life happens, like art happens.  Or one could simply say life happens.  We like to think we are in control, free willed beings.  We think so because that is all we know. But that is because we tend to like only what we understand and we can only come close to understanding tangible things—things that are quantifiable and explainable due to science.

Every cause has an effect.  That is the nature of our selves.  All actions, events and even feelings have an explanation and a reason.  Nothing happens for no reason and everything happens for a reason.  Even love and hate, two of the most significant feeling, associated with powerful passions, can be scientifically broken down and explained with “things” happening between the mind, perception, our physical body and the external world.  We search for the explanation in despair at times, and other times cling to a pleasing one, an easy explanation, with which we can keep content.  It is also the nature of human beings—they yearn for understanding, or should I say a satisfying explanation whether this explanation is true of not.  Of course there is no way to test or be sure if it is true or not.  We are the prisoners of our minds.  Unique are none who escape.  Our minds create us and we create our minds.  This I believe, but you may not reader, for you are different.  But I’m almost positive that in reality only physics, chemistry and the laws of elements create and navigate our minds and bodies.  I don’t move my arm because I want to, but because of signals and chemicals interacting in my brain.  I don’t blink because I want to, but because it is an instinct.  I think of all happenings as instincts, however complex they may be, as programs, as cause and effects.

It seems a vain effort to aim at something.  To try to be this or that or like this or like that.  I have realized it is vain to try to plan a painting.  A piece of art will happen as the output of you being yourself.  Do not try to paint like Leonardo, unless you are him.  Further, do not try to paint, try to be yourself, and just maybe you’ll write the truest and greatest poem.  An image did not pop into Van Gogh’s head and he proceeded to transfer it onto a canvas with his hands.  His hands were an extension of himself, as an aid in a process that realized a mental and physical process.  The results were works such as “Starry Night.”

That is the trouble of being an  intelligent human; once you learn to think, its hard to stop it.  There is no need to think, and to explain even to yourself.   Who are you explaining thing to?   Why?  They will never understand, and you will only believe you understand.  There is no such thing as a bad thing or good thing.  Things just are and just happen…

-Spring 2007

Beauty and Intelligence (~2008)

It’s not easy to be an intelligent and beautiful person.  Especially if you are a woman.  The reason for “especially if you are a woman,” is because men seem to be more easily swayed by looks than women.  If you are a beautiful girl then people love looking at you, especially men.  But if you start talking about something, then whatever words you say must be more fascinating and on a higher level than your physical beauty in order for others to actually comprehend your message or thoughts.  Otherwise the content of what you say will be overshadowed by the way you look (the way you are) and will make whatever you say not as important and interesting as the way you look.  So it must be really frustrating to be intelligent and beautiful because lots of people might just not be interested in what you have to say even though what you have to say is interesting.   In order for them to be actually interested in the content of your story or thoughts, it has to be more interesting than your physical beauty.  And that is a very hard thing to achieve since we (esp. men) really feel with our eyes.   However, if one isn’t beautiful then physical beauty is really crossed out as a way of attracting attention, so one is more dependent on what they say and how.  And not just attracting attention but bringing interest to what you have to say…?
Sight overwhelms audio.